Things to look forward to when you’re 70! (apart from a delayed pension).

Things to look forward to when you’re 70! (apart from a delayed pension).

I’ve O’D’d on Glucosamine Sulphate, so much I’m mentally scarred.

It’s escalated now I’m 70… I’ve even mainlined on my Senior Railcard…

I bow down to the Norse God Voltarol… He eases all my pains…

and there’s Deep Heat, Germaloids, even Anusol for the other stresses and strains.

The wondrous Winter Fuel Allowance! That’s what lights our lamp these dark days - 

ahh, those twilight hours

But after the logs, it’s not Leccy or Gas we crave? No! We buy booze with ours…

the Whisky, Gin, Vodka, Wine; a drop of Brandy too.  It all helps to numb the cold

and memories of happier times gone by - brighten up this bloody growing old.

Supplements, sterols, statins, aspirin, beta blockers… All the heart meds - life really is a battle.

In the 60s it was Sex and Drugs and Rock ’n’ Roll… Now there’s less sex and a lot more rattle!

Viagra fails to make it now - “no more”, after the last time - she said!

These days the only thing it does is stop me rolling out of bed!

The bus pass used to to let me roam the world… from John O’Groats to Land’s End.

But these days I travel locally - Southwick, Lancing, Steyning; only sometimes to a cousin in Southend.

Further afield; abroad perhaps? Well no…In the past it has been Newhaven for the Continent. 

But now that I’m over 70, well, it’ll just be Worthing for the inCONTINENT!

And… did I say? Not that I was ever in the habit of measuring it - or straightening out the kinks

But I’m pretty sure that these days - and ’no’ it’s NOT just the cold… 

but, your once adequate dick - it shrinks!

Or is it just me?